Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Nikko Smith: Undead Radioactive Singing Cockroach

Last night I put down Michael Medved's latest book, Right Turns, in order to watch American Idol. For those who watch the A.I., things are getting interesting. Last night truly was a bloodbath. Almost all of the final 12 contestants had an absolutely horrendous night. Maybe it was a collective case of butterflies, I don't know. I think there also must have been some sound monitor problems on stage, because almost everyone choked, "big time" as our Veep would say.

Of the 12 finalists, maybe three sounded good (including my darkhorse favorite, Scott Savol). And it wasn't as if there were a bunch of average performances, THEY WERE REALLY TERRIBLE. Which brings us to the curious case of Mr. Nikko Smith. Mr. Smith was actually voted off last week (he would have placed 13th or 14th overall, I guess) but was hastily reinserted into last night's show because another contestant, Mario Vasquez, mysteriously quit over the weekend.

So Nikko performs last, and comes out with what I felt was far and away the evening's worst performance. Not this bad, but you get the picture. Nikko no doubt did his best but was way off key (very "pitchy", as judge Randy would say). Also, he decided to do the Jackson 5 tune, "I Want You Back" (a song I normally enjoy, by the way). I had to laugh at not only how bad his performance was, but the irony of the entire situation. Like he chose that song because we want him back? How about YOU want you back?

Evidently, Mario Vasquez did some background vocals for Michael Jackson in 2001. Maybe Nikko was sending out a tribute to the guy he replaced. Even more amusing is the fact that Michael Jackson is on trial right now for child molestation. Is Nikko utterly incapable of picking up a newspaper? Did he think this would win him some sympathy votes from, I don't know, pedophiles? What on earth was he thinking? Anyway, putting all that aside and just judging the performances on their merits, Nikko's got to go.

If he survives tonight's cut, then I'll be convinced Nikko Smith is the demon spawn of a vampire father and nuclear cockroach mother. The undead radioactive singing cockroach zombie doing a lounge act. Heh.
I wonder if Nikko's father(Ozzie) is bending over backwards!

You're an idiot. Too bad for you haters out there, Nikko is still here. He has more fans than you realize and we are making sure he doesn't get away from us this time.
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